A Path To Intimacy
Happy Full Moon!
The full moon can bring out our crazier side, for better or worse. But maybe letting our emotions rise to the surface once a month is not such a bad idea.
We are all under pressure, to be more, do more, make more... more life, must fit into less time. Work, friends, family, play, charity, lovemaking, sleep.... These days it seems you must get a Masters Degree in multi-tasking just to keep up.
But when we are doing so much, what happens to our being? When our attention is fragmented in this way how present are we really being with each thing we do? And when we aren't soaking up the energy available to us in the present moment, we end up depleted. Wanting to be filled up by our lovers, friends, and family... searching for more intimacy. Longing for connection.
Intimacy begins with being able to be present with ourselves, and then with each other. Some people think of intimacy as being synonymous with lovemaking, and in many ways it is. There's a play on words that sums it all up for me:
Into - Me - See
When the truth of our being is seen, accepted, and loved…. we experience intimacy. We feel closeness and connection, which are things we look to feel from from our lovers. Lovemaking at its best presences love, because we literally get naked... physically and emotionally. Then from this vulnerable place we share ourselves. And when we are received, we feel love. But can we expect our lovers to see and accept us, if we are not giving this to ourselves first? How often are you tuning into what you are really feeling, and how do you honor those feelings?
So much tension in the body is created from ways of being that are not aligned with how we really feel. Most of us are raised learning how to be polite instead of honoring our truth. Not that there isn't a place for manners… but what is the cost of ignoring the signs your body sends you through your thoughts, feelings, aches, pains, and energy level?
Think about a time when you couldn't say how you really felt about someone or something for whatever reason... Do you remember what that felt like in your body? When I bite my tongue or swallow my words my whole chest gets tight, my shoulders bunch, and my throat feels squeezed. I become this contracted, tense version of my former self.
Or how about the number of things you do throughout your day out of obligation, fear, or guilt? How often are you pushing through your resistance to something without taking a moment to find out why you're resisting it? When I stopped to do this for myself the other day, I got present to a deep sadness. My inner little girl was upset that the adult me was pushing at a pace that was hard on my body, without stopping to give myself enough tenderness, stillness, or gratitude. I took a hot bath, had some cuddle time, and a good cry. After I met myself in this way, the resistance I had to the things that needed to be done dissolved.
We have to consciously make space to be intimate with ourselves, with the present moment, and each other. There isn't always a place for your anger, your sadness, or your desire to hit something, in the moment it arises. But if you are able to acknowledge these parts of yourself in healthy way, like a spiritual practice, a physical activity, a therapeutic session, or time in nature... When we do return to our lives and our lovers, we can share more of ourselves in ways it can be received.
The path to more intimacy begins with you. Be willing to get present to your feelings, to what is true for you in this moment. And once you do, the next step is having the courage to share it with someone.
Let your cracks be seen….
Let your truth be seen and felt, and see what happens. And the more vulnerability you bring to this by speaking your fear or your pain, the better it will be received. Any communication that is about what someone else did has not been distilled down to your truth. Your truth is about the thoughts and sensations moving through your body. It is simple, but not easy. When we let ourselves be seen in this way. We invite intimacy. We invite love.
I have two classes coming up that will offer opportunities to get intimate with ourselves using our breath. Tonight for women only, and Tuesday for all. And if classes are not a fit for you, or you are not in the Los Angeles area I offer private coaching in person and virtually. I have a spring special of 25% off my normal rates which ends June 21st. If you are interested in a Free 30 minute phone consultation to find out if privates are a good fit for you, send an email to firstname.lastname@example.org and I'll get back to you to set one up.