Connection During Co-Vid-19

In this age of Co-Vid connecting has become like a unicorn... a delightful moving target that you may get to experience in you are patient, and create the perfect conditions for its arrival.

Social-distancing and quarantine life has been a major blow to creating and sustaining quality connections.

As much as I love that the internet has stepped in to save the day, and Zoom and Instagram have provided us with new social watering holes...All the added screen time comes with a cost.

The more time we spend glued to screens, the less time we spend connecting with our senses, our imagination, and possibly the people we do still have contact with.

Feeling alive and sensual in our bodies requires that we take time to connect with them in a conscious way.

Our capacity for resiliency, which is what helps us bounce back from challenging emotions is also tied to how well we can connect with our breath, and our sensations.

And to keep the harmony flowing with our loved ones we need to set aside time for intentional connection with each other.

When we are missing quality connection with ourselves and others we suffer in ways that look like increased anxiety, depressive states, lack of energy or vitality, trouble sleeping, difficulty focusing, lack of creativity or desire, and so much more....

I care deeply about people having the resources they need to create quality connections with themselves, their communities and the planet.

Connecting with our inner and outer resources is a huge key to getting through this pandemic with our well-being and our relationships intact.

So here are 4 Co-Vid friendly ways you can create the conditions for quality connections....

SCREEN-FREE TIME

I know it's a life line to connect with others right now, and many of us are using it for work, exercise, and down-time. We can be grateful for the access and entertainment that comes through our screens, while still acknowledging the damaging impact of too much stimulation, immobility, and EMFs(electromagnetic frequencies).

Having blocks of device-free or screen-free time gives us a reason to remember other ways to use our attention. Like dancing, sun-bathing, reading books (not on a screen), sexual play, cooking, crafting, gardening, meditation, etc. My screen-free time often looks like a combo of everything I just mentioned. 

We often turn to screens even when we don’t have to because it's an easy way to self-soothe, or distract ourselves. So set reminders or use your calendar to schedule in screen-free time. And support yourself with a list of activities to choose from like the one above.

BODY SCANS

Periodically throughout the day pause what you are doing, get still, and connect with your breath. Close your eyes if you are able to and feel the sensation of breath entering and leaving your mouth until your mind starts to slow down. 

Starting around your head and mouth and gradually working you way down your torso, tune into your body and observe what sensations you feel and where you feel them, both plesant and unpleasant ones. Name sensations as you encounter them say ‘hello' to them. Notice what your emotional state is, and if your body has any needs, like an urge to stretch, thirst or hunger, for sun or fresh air. Allow 5-10 min For this kind of exploration.

PLEASURE PRACTICES

Most of us were already working with things like anxiety, fatigue, digestive troubles, and sleepless nights, in large part to living in a way that keeps us engaged in a fight, flight, or freeze response; now we have the added threat of constant change and the unknown...yay! So I can’t emphasize enough the importance of supporting our nervous systems with pleasure. 

Some of the most accessible ways to de-escalate the feeling of threat in our systems is to engage our creativity, our sensuality, playfulness, and laughter.  These things may feel out of reach, which is why it helps to create a 'pleasure list'. These are experiences or things that you enjoy, can easily give to yourself, and put you in touch with any of the qualities I mentioned. 

Some of the things on my pleasure list include, quality dark chocolate, pixar films, sensual touch, fresh flowers, embodiment practices, listening to Nina Simone... Having a list I can reference helps me remember what I can give to myself when I need I reset. I try to include at least one thing a day, and to really tune into the pleasurable feelings during the experience. 

If you or a woman you know would like a sensual, grounding way to connect with your body, join us this Friday for our Free Yoni Egg Masterclass.

INTENTIONAL CHECK-INS

These are especially important if you have been sheltering in place with other people, but can be done with a trusted friend even if you are alone. When stressors are higher, so are reactive emotions. There have been reports of an increase in domestic violence, and couples therapy since the start of quarantine orders. 

When we feel a threat looming, it’s harder to be present or patient, and easier to be irritated and aggressive or dismissive. Quarantine isn’t the only thing making connection challenging, humans were struggling to connect intimately before co-vid arrived on the scene, and now those challenges have escalated.

I recommend once week having a structured check-in with those who you share space with. Use a timer so people have equal time to share. Before talking try doing something physical together to clear stress, dance, breathwork, a short guided meditation (insight timer app is great for these).

Use ‘I’ statements to share how you feel (ie: i have been feeling overwhelmed which makes sharing space harder for me). Make specific requests if you need something from the other person/people (ie: i would like one hour a day to myself un-disturbed.)

Create a ‘Space Word’ for when you get upset but space is needed before you can talk about it. Make sure to follow up when both people have more emotional space to talk and listen.

During your checking-ins be sure to offer appreciation, not just complaints.

And when appropriate, spend some time connecting physically with long full body melting hugs while breathing together.

 with love,

Kamali