What Makes You Feel Loved?
Happy Valentine's Day
Some people dig Valentine's Day, others dread it. But I’m down with any day that has us turn our attention toward love. Love is an on-going investigation in my world.
And one of the things I've learned about it over the years is that we all have different ways we feel and recognize love.
Some of us love to be touched, some love gifts, some love kind words or selfless acts of service. If you are aware of the things that make you feel loved, it is a huge gift to share that information with the people who want to love you.
Personally I really appreciate that kind of intel from my friends and family. Then I get the choice of using my energy in a way that I'm pretty sure will make them feel loved.
We often have to guess at how to love the people in our lives. Think about holidays, birthdays, and anniversaries, where we try to find that perfect way to express our appreciation for someone.
It’s like some unspoken rule that you get bonus points for being able to guess what will make someone's day. Like somehow being able to surprise them in this way proves how well you know them. And that you are so attentive you have been able to read all of their subtext and clues.
Sometimes our intuition is right on... but often when we guess at how to love someone we can spend a lot of energy and money, and still end up missing the mark. And then we are resentful that we went out of our way to do this great thing for them, and they didn't appreciate it the way we think they should.
Expectation is the source of a lot of upset in relationship. We expect our loved ones to know us, when we often don't know ourselves. We expect them to read our minds and decode the subtext between our words. We expect them to notice when we are in a mood, and know how to behave to help us feel better. We expect them to know just how to please us, love us, and save us… And we often expect all of this without having conversations about any of it.
Lets stop this people. Myself included.
Lets just ask for what we need… Let's know ourselves, and share that knowledge with our loved ones, so that they are not walking into land mines of our expectations. If we really love someone, lets set them up to win with us by giving them the information they need to make our day!
And then when they act on the information, let's show some appreciation!
Lets not take away brownie points because 'they were just doing what I told them to'. Because you know what, it doesn't matter that you told them what you wanted… they don't have to give it to you. And when they do, that's an act of love!
Let's put an end to the idea that 'if you really loved me, you would just know'….
So I ask you again... How do you like to be loved? Maybe you know, maybe you've never really thought about it before. But now you can't say you've never been asked.
It would make me feel loved, if you share one way you like to be loved on our Space For Love Facebook page. You may just inspire someone else to add something to their love list.
And if you want to learn how to create more love in all your relationships, work with me privately or come to a workshop!
I’m offering a Valentine’s special of 20% off my one-on-one sessions, email me at(firstname.lastname@example.org) by Feb.16th to book a free 30 min. consult or to schedule your first session if you’re a returning client.
Or immerse yourself in 2 days of powerful self-exploration in one of the upcoming Awaken Weekends I’m teaching for Embody Tantra.