Bouncing Back From Betrayal
One of the hardest things we can experience in relationship is betrayal... It's a risk we take when we place our trust in someone or something. If that trust gets broken, we are left feeling betrayed.
How you respond to a betrayal can either leave you feeling like a victim, or feeling victorious.
The good news is... ultimately the choice is yours.After several experiences that have given me practice moving through the very human feeling of being betrayed, here are some things that help me bounce back with my heart intact.
- First things first.... Let yourself feel your unenlightened, human feelings. When trust is broken it often unlocks powerful emotions like anger, rage, sadness, and grief. It's important that these emotions get space to be felt, without doing harm to yourself or others. E-motions are Energy in Motion, and allowing them to stay in motion will allow the healing process to move more quickly. So dance, go to the gym, beat some pillows, go for a run, cry, laugh, scream, let it go and let it flow.
- After some of the rawer emotions get to move, dealing with the mind is one of the most challenging parts. The mind will drive you crazy trying to figure out why this this happened, and how to protect yourself from it happening again. The mind will make up stories about you and the other person/or people. It will search for something or someone to blame. It will try to make sense of the things it can't begin to understand. And if we let our minds run the show, we can can get stuck in bitterness, resentment, and shutdown.
- So watching your thoughts like watching a dramatic movie, can help you become a witness to your insanity, instead of being controlled by it. Because our thoughts create our reality, getting stuck in negative stories can create a downward spiral that keeps you stuck. So it also helps to counterbalance the negative thoughts with insprirational, life-affirming support. Have a friend or lover remind you why you are lovable. Spend some time in nature re-connecting to the life force energy driving us all. Take in funny movies, meditations, books, anything that will lift your spirit out of the downward spiral.
- And then finally when there is more space to look at what happened through eyes that aren't tear-filled or burning holes through people. You can get curious about what there is to learn from the experience. Trust can only be broken, when we have an expectation, belief, or agreement, that doesn't get met or honored. And that is going to happen throughout life. After we are ready to take our attention off of whoever or whatever wronged us, we can come back to looking at how to take better care of ourselves. What part if any did we play in allowing this to happen? Is there a new boundary that needs to be drawn? Do you need to end a relationship? These moments make it really easy to see what we value, and how we want to be treated. What can you do, say, or shift, to honor yourself more?
I think holding onto feelings of being betrayed is one of the biggest blocks to experiencing connection and love. If we decide to deal with betrayal by protecting ourselves from it ever happening again, we also begin to cut ourselves off to the possibilities of love. Once we start armoring our hearts, and shutting down parts of ourselves, we begin to cut off our access to our living and loving fully.
Stopping the pain, steals the pleasure.
So let yourself feel and heal. It's a process and it helps to have support with it. If you are ready to let go of anything keeping you from trusting and experiencing life more fully, working with me can be a great way to start. And there are a few ways to do just that. Come to the class I teach for Embody Tantra on Tuesday nights. Or if a weekend workshop experience would work better for you... The Awaken Weekend is coming up. the August dates are sold out, but there's still room in Sept. and the other option is to work with me one-on-one, virtually or in person.
"The faster you can let the pain take you to your knees, the faster the energy will rage through you. This will leave you emptier and more available for the channel of divine wisdom that you’re becoming. You’re stronger than you think you are. Go with it." ~ Sage Levine
Tuesday July 22nd from 7-9p
220 Pier Ave Santa Monica, CA
$25 pre-pay / $35 at the door
CLICK TO RESERVE YOUR SPOT
Open to Men & Women
No partner or experience necessary
safe environment, no nudity
All are welcome