What turns you on? Do you know? I had to really think about this one myself. I know in the moment,when desire arises. But I don't spend much time thinking about what causes it to happen. And it can change as we change… so while we may think we know what turns us on based on what's worked in the past, will that still spark you in this moment?
Desire is one of the most powerful forces at work in our lives. It pulls us forward, fueling creation, evolution, and other fun explosive activites. Knowing how to light our own fire is one of the best gifts we can give to ourselves and our lovers. How often have you looked to your partner to know how to please you? And when they are not getting it right... do you find yourself feeling frustrated and unfulfilled?
We put a lot of pressure on our lovers to know just how to please us. To know what spot to touch and how. To know what thoughtful acts will melt us and turn us on. We expect all of this from them, when we may not even be in touch with how to do this for ourselves. And if we are, how often to we gift ourselves with the things that with ignite our desire?
The other challenge is, that there are so many external influences from media, to friends and family, communities and institutions... all feeding us information about what is desirable. Our desire has been shaped by a combination of external influences and personal experiences, so its no wonder it can be such a moving target.
A really powerful practice for beginning to get in touch with how our desire has been shaped and morphed over time, is to journal about your sexual history. Going all the way back to your earliest memories, and moving forward through time, chronicling the moments that have created your sexual identity. This can be a very powerful exercise for making connections about what turns us on and why. And even better it puts our awareness on what has created pleasure, or what pain we are holding onto that could be blocking our experience of pleasure. See what it unlocks for you.